I can't go without him
by fashiongirl97
Summary: 5 years to the day since Jenny left him on the plane...five whole years... '5 o'clock and fire escape symphony, spilling out across the road and the square, and the sky'd the same as your own do you think of me? Do the parks and trees and the leaves reach you there? After the rain, in the lonely hours he haunts me' based on the song Sophia, jenny is beginning to realise something


_**Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS or the song 'Sophia' **_

_**Authors note – I love this song, and it screams JIBBS! I hope you enjoy, go you tube the song though. **_

_**Sophia - Nerina Pallot**_

Her black patent leather stilettos clattered down the stairs of the mettle fire escape on the wall of a night club as she went running down in order to catch the serial killer. Her team were on her six somewhere, most likely with a plan, and although she didn't know where she'd happily put her life in their hands. The mop headed man ran ahead of her, jumping and spinning as he went using the cold mettle hand rail to aid his balance. As she ran she stayed up perfectly even with her heals that everyone felt the need to tell her were ridiculous. Her hair was longer than it had been in years and was tied up in a sharp ponytail high on her head. Jenny wore tight trousers that hugged her legs and a deep purple silk blouse. As she reached the bottom her team wrestled the man to the ground and handcuffed him as one of them read the man his rights. They looked and Jenny and she told them to take the van and head back. She needed time and they could all see that so left her be.

Jenny walked back in front of the town house building, the music from the night club above spilt out onto the desolate road and the small square it lead onto. The Scarborough streets were empty for once, the bustle of tourists gone for the autumn. The locals most likely asleep and just the few stray teens remained in the bars at 05 00. Jenny walked along the cobbled streets and up towards the top of the town centre where a large steel statue stood. She smiled at the smooth lines and moulded steel. At the bottom was a bench and in a winder semicircle maybe 5 meters further were more benches. Jenny had been in London for two years now with the Special Case Unit, the 1 ½ prior she had spent in Israel doing antiterrorism op's and before that 1 ½ years in Spain with the same team being the MCRT. Even though they were based in London, cases took them all over England that was why when their killer had fled north they'd had to follow. Now, she watched as her team arrested the man in the back of the van and as her senior agent grabbed the keys. It seemed cliché, but they were like a family now.

Five years in total had passed since Jenny had left Jethro in Paris, on that plane alone, and she still remembered it every single day. IT was exactly five years ago today, and I haunted her now more than ever. As she gazed up at the stars, she couldn't help but feel how it was so much like looking into his eyes, how he could be anywhere at that moment in time, working late and gazing out the window at the sleeping city, at a crime scene taking just a moment to collect his thoughts or…wherever he was he could be looking at the same star as her. That thought, in the back of her mind made her think that maybe all hope was not lost, that maybe…maybe when he saw the parks, trees and leaves, maybe they lead him to the same memory as her, and shed the same occasional, hidden tear.

But as Jenny looked up at the twinkling stars, and deep blue sky, she felt a cold drop of rain hit her cheek. It came heavier and she walked back to the car, letting the cool water hit her pale skin without a second thought. The rain was once something she had loved, now it haunted her and she couldn't help but wonder if it also haunted him as well. The day she had left him it had rained, as she'd run off the plane that held the life she wanted to the one she needed. As she'd run, her tears had mingled in with the rain. As he'd looked out to see her retreating figure the rain had tapped down on the window. That memory haunted her, haunted the depth of her mind and tainted the memories she held close to her hear. In these lonely hours as she got in her car, she could still hear that faint banging on the window and his silent shouts as he'd begged for her not to go again, and again, and again.

Jenny got in the car and drove the four hour drive back to London. The lights of the motorway speckled in the rain spotted windows. As she drove she left the radio off, allowing herself to bask in the silence of the drive. In her mind she relived the many memories she had spent in Europe with a man whom she loved. As she drive on she saw a house on fire, it reminded her in a way of the fire. The blaze the conflict within her heart, between her emotions. Back then when she left and in all of the years since. She missed him, every single day; she just couldn't find the courage to dial his number and call.

She walked the streets of London hours later. The few businessmen walked beside her on their way to Canary Warf. She'd been awake for nearly 30 hours now, and was shattered. She walked the streets like a stranger in DC. She'd learnt the tongue of London, learnt the idioms and alternate words. She'd never expected to be laughing at the English humour.

These days though, when she laughed it wasn't the same, she missed the gruff marine on her ass every two minutes, his chauvinistic attitude, and the constant smell of coffee. She felt like a ghost of the person she once was, like everything she wanted, everything she'd become didn't meant a thing didn't matter anymore since she'd met him. She counted the hours and the days in the weeks and years since she left him.

When she entered the NCIS building, the bull pen was silent, just as always. For Jenny and Jethro silence had always brought passion, the conversations they had had with their eyes and their eyes alone. The slight touches and small smiles. The single words, single sentences a measure with just how in love they were. IT's the science of the soul, the fact that for love words aren't needed, just true feelings. And the way he would read a book when he thought she wasn't looking…the way that their breath would sync. She just wanted to know even more in that moment if he missed her too.

She sat at her desk after the interrogation was over, her team was sent home yet there stood her team leader Sophia in front of her. "Go home boss."

"I will."

"Have you got any one, waiting?" questioned Sophia. They she saw the look in her bosses eyes.

"Look at you with your new born eyes. I loved him, more than anything. Have you ever loved a man like I loved him?"

"No, no I haven't."

"I left him, I left him."

"In the words of some song writers I can't remember: 'do you hurt but still alive like never before?'"

"Yeah yeah I do. Oh Sophia…."

"Ring him boss. You need someone Jenny." with that she left. Jenny went home and hour later climbed into bed, and placed her phone next to her. She scrolled through the number until she found the one she needed. In a spur of the minute she pressed the call button. Jenny listened to the tone until her picked up.

"Yeah Gibbs." He replied, his gruff voice sending goose bumps on her skin.

"Jethro…"

"Jenny?"

_**Please can you review?**_


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